the house of miss birdie

I was going through my 2020 schedule for event bookings and felt compelled to add as a disclaimer that I don't participate in political or religious discussions. Call me old fashioned, it's none of your business how I feel about God or Government. Don't get me wrong, I have a strong viewpoint but I won't be baited into having it and telling you about it. There are millions of people that feel that way. Once upon a time, people (famous and not famous) were able to use Social Media to vent. To say what they wanted with no fear. You could Tweet, Post, picture, video your opinions and positions, say what they ate, wore, what was going on with their day; whatever. Phones were even made to make this access easier. And whether people either liked it or didn't, everyone went about their day and none were the wiser. Until one day, years later, a dark, internet soldier decides to dig deep, like 10 years deep into your background, actually looking for where and when you chos...

SO... Yes it's been awhile. Living life and stuff. The thing is, in my absence here, I've sincerely been taking care of business for myself and Bam. Now, it's time for me to share what I've learned with you. I wrote a few books, crossed over a few genres but still stayed within self help. Now more for adults. I realized that to help the children that my earlier books highlight, I also have to help the people entrusted with their care. You can't pour from an empty cup. We all do it. Give energy and resources that we honestly don't have. After doing that (and burning out several times) I've come up with a new philosophy for myself. "You'll get there Birdie, one moment, one day at a time." Simple, right? How? That's the other piece of the philosophy, it's by "Shifting Up." To shift by definition, is a slight change in emphasis, direction or focus. By shifting up, you make small changes towards a better life. That's wh...

After reading article after article, hearing complaint after complaint. I'm tired of hearing people complain about Tyler Perry. In the seat of public opinion, everyone is allowed to have their opinion. #1 Complaint: Because of using Madea. He's described as a "Clown" "Buffoon" "Drag". "Tyler Perry has gotten rich off of exploiting Black Women." -  is the most popular. Yes, he has built his career with Madea, a pistol packing, abrasive no-nonsense woman with stereotypical toxic behaviors but still relatable grandmother figure. A long ignored truth  is that black women aren't feeling protected in our communities. It is no secret that black women are silenced, with our health, our children, our men, out in the workforce. We get called bitches for having power in our voices, people tremble and call us toxic when we stand up for ourselves. We want to be there for our men but the truth is, a lot of black men don't know how to lov...

Ok. Being that I myself live with depression,  I have been very defensive about explaining what has been happening lately with the untimely deaths of some people around us. It's hard to accept but these loved individuals were afflicted with a chronic condition that they have now chosen to take the path of least resistance in their lives by ending it. Don't kill the messenger, it's the most simplistic way to explain it. In other words, all they want is the pain to end. Their reasoning and justifications are not for us to understand. Don't take it personal, it's not you. It's the easier way out, literally. Now I'm seeing well intentioned posts that wonderful people are offering a shoulder to cry on. We love you very much but... 1. Depressed people don't want to stay there. It is a painful place to be. So unless you're a professional, talking about it with you is not the way to help us long term. Sometimes we're in a dark place and we don't ...

I wrote this piece in July 2015 and now it has been 4 years since Sandra Bland's Murder. We can never forget how her death emphasized and magnified the disrespect for a black woman's life and how easily someone's ego can rip a life from this earthly existence. There has been countless and senseless murders in the name of "Blue Justice", I can't help but think of the ways her murder was covered up and silenced. This is re-published in hopes that we #neverforget #sayhername  July 2015 - Without even immersing yourself in Social media, CNN, FOX or any news outlets you are still witnessing a devastating abuse of power in the case of Sandra Bland. Sandra Bland is me, my sister, our girlfriends, mother's, aunt's and cousins. And all Sandra Bland did was not properly signal, get stopped for it and "sass" Officer at the time, Brian Encinia. That's it. Personally, anyone I know, with the weight of their life and their day, the rush...

So, I've been busy. So many things have happened since the last time I've shared with you. Nowadays, I'm doing motivational speaking, writing adult books and expanding my brand exponentially and I'm so excited. SO EXCITED!!!! Saggy Boobs is a memoir about my journey until now and I can't wait to share it with you. I named my book after a moment in time that I really didn't feel good about myself. I was tired, broke and sad. I was at a party and was so uncomfortable already with the crazy events at the party. It was ugly, me and 2 other exes were at the party. I tried to play it cool, but I got a hot flash. I rushed into a room, and while taking off my sweater, my shirt caught onto my sweater and for a millisecond, my stomach was exposed. I quickly put it down but when I turned my head, my son's father was standing in the doorway and had caught it. He had this look on his face that unnerved me. We were in a bad place at this point with a custody battle ...

Last night, I cried proud tears when Frances McDormand stood up with pride amongst women in Hollywood and told the seated men to think of and include these women when they negotiate their contracts. I was so happy. I knew that she included me. Then I saw black women on twitter say, “Well how does Inclusion Riders help other black women?” I felt a punch in the gut.  We saw firsthand what inclusion rider was when Jessica Chastain did it for Octavia Spencer. They were negotiating with the studio to make their own movie. Because Jessica stood with Octavia, Octavia got 5 times more than she would have gotten. That was with Jessica just to just have equal pay. Yes, Equal Pay. On one hand, I see what the women on Twitter meant, because in our experience, it has been proven that black women shattering the glass ceiling is even harder than it is for a white woman, let alone any man of any color.  It’s been our experience that the world...

Yesterday, I watched the 20/20 exclusive Robin Roberts interview with 2 of the 3 kidnapping survivors from Cleveland: Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus. (Michelle Knight, not interviewed, was the first woman kidnapped) and I was glued to the screen the entire time. It was a great interview. These women had serious strength and showed great courage despite the circumstances at hand and their survival instincts to stay alive were inspiring. At the time of their kidnapping,  Gina was just 14, Amanda was almost 17. On Twitter, I saw some feedback with people asking why would the young ladies get into a car with a stranger. Answer to that is, this man was no stranger. This man preyed on his own children's friends and took advantage of the fact that these girls were familiar with him. Problem is, this can happen oh so easily. I have a now 11-year old son. And like so many other families, we have a daily routine. The driver of our daily bus ride that we do small talk with, the crossing ...

So, game on, y’all. Been in hibernation for awhile, hence the Groundhog Day. Well not really hibernating. Ok, so it seems like it because I’ve been scarce. But since my last blog, I recorded and released my first album, Scandal. I am really proud of it. It started out as a bucket list/promise fulfilled. But it unveiled something in me that I missed so much. An evolution of expression. I dug deep and meant every word. I do karaoke about once a month and although I bring the house down when I do it, the songs are still someone else’s. I wrote and sung my own songs and it was an emotional undertaking. It’s not the most quality sound but it’s me. Raw and I absolutely love it. My next plan is to release videos for 2 songs on the album: “Pretty” and “Lose Again”, when the weather gets warmer. It has been so cold out there. Besides my music, I released 4 hard copies of my children’s books: Stickboy and Cookie are Friends, Cookie’s First Day of School, Don’t be a Follower, Stickbo...

Ok. So I've been "finishing" my memoir, "Saggy Boobs, Stretch Marks and Saddle Bags" for the past year. And although the anticipation is building and my friends & fans are patiently waiting, I'm still struggling to finish. I even have the cover of the book done.  Mind you, the chapters are finished. I know that my book needs a little more "Me" behind it but subconsciously, I've honestly been looking for every excuse in the world not to finish. I didn't know why.  Then I thought about it, as public as I am, I'm realizing that the constant unveiling of myself within this book  reveals a chunk of exiled pain, in which by keeping it locked inside, I've hurt myself so much.  The book is a mental and emotional exposé of sorts, a way for me to let go because I'm important to myself and my life story hasn't reflected that. I don't want to hide anymore. I'm hoping that my stories that caused me to hide from life in the fi...

In 2013, I've had several scares. In January, there was the breast cancer scare. Benign. In March, I got hit by a car. I'm alive. In September, I had a biopsy on my thyroid. Benign. I'm healthy and I want to world to know that I'm fine!!!  Passing it all with flying colors. And that's just 2013. So now, I am moving towards my next birthday with a huge weight off of me. Funny thing about relief. The valleys become wider. The sun, moon and stars shine brighter. And your dreams are bigger again. Possibilities are endless all over again. I call it belief relief . When you get that sigh of relief and breathe fresh air, that's the perfect time to pounce on your dreams and make it real. Like actually hold it in your hands and make all things you've ever dreamed of, real. Belief in self, pursued with gusto and new life. So. I'm back. I speak with more authority. Focus is crisp. My thoughts are clear. My love is so much more passionate. I've had mo...

So, I've know that I've been M.I.A. (Missing In Action) lately. Most of 2012 to be exact. When the year started and the ball dropped, I knew everything was different, I felt fresher, creative and optimistic about everything. From finishing books and illustrations to expanding my book writing business to include adult and YA fiction. Editing opportunities multiplied Then, at the very beginning of the year, the sledgehammer dropped. My son got very sick and nothing else mattered but him. Although there was nothing I could have done, I was guilty of being so busy and self-involved that I had been neglecting my son's needs. But I now I know that was not true and there was nothing I could have done differently to prevent any of it.  But EVERYTHING (not Bam-related) was getting dropped. I picked up the tiniest of editing jobs, just to keep some income, but nothing overly time consuming. Money was starting to be a huge problem for the first time in years. Then the custody bat...

I heard a term used yesterday that had me thinking a lot. Fire Lighters and Fire Fighters.  I believe that everyone is born with a flame. Whether it's a burning desire to be something special or just stand out from everyone else. There's a fire in all of us and there are circumstances that dictate whether or not we keep it lit. It starts with the natural fight within that we are constantly conflicted and questioning our every action. Then there's the people around you that constantly test your fire power.  A fire lighter is a person that see you for who you are and who you can be. Ignite and nurture the flame in you.  Fire fighters put out that fire in you. They tell you what’s wrong with everything you're planning, resist change, discourage and minimize your power) Ever since I heard this terminology, I've been thinking about what I want for my life and my son's life. Now I have to think about the people in our lives that don't want the same things fo...

I forgot that I was the one in control of my own destiny. What was I doing? One thing I’ve realized is that happiness is simple. Happiness is not contingent on anything but yourself. Every time I think about how hard things get for me, I’m the one that’s ultimately in charge of my own future. We people make it hard and complicate things. We let our minds and lives become consumed with things that just take our focus away from what we are really supposed to be doing. If you know me personally, you’d know that I’ve had plenty going on in my life within these past couple of months. Monumental things. Well, at least I made them monumental. First, my apartment flooded and although I didn’t lose much, it was enough to consume my time and energy. I had work deadlines that I pushed aside because although I was a hostage in my own home (my front door was busted open and held closed by a flimsy lock for 6 weeks.) I couldn’t concentrate. Instead, I complained about what was g...

(From a post in July 2011) I cried this morning. As I watch the news story that has saturated the headlines, I cried for a mother and the horrific way her baby died. I cried scared tears. Leiby Kletzky was just an 8 year old boy that just wanted to be a big boy and do big boy things like walk home all by himself. Just like my kid. All his mother did was let him do what she thought her son could handle. They did what they could to prepare. They did dry runs, even down to the day before. She trusted that the same neighborhood that Leiby had been raised in, the same neighborhood whose people and businesses they passed everyday would be watching out for him. The thing is, Leiby had seen his abductor and eventual killer before. Even if they had never had an actual conversation before, that horrible man that killed him was a familiar face to Leiby. This made me paranoid. Who is a stranger? When we tell our kids of the dangers of talking to strangers, what is the descript...

Lately, I've been out of it. Little or no social networking, which is bad considering the fact that I need to do it to stay "in the loop". I even stopping talking to people because I didn't want my conversations to be negative. Why infect other people with what was plaguing me? I was now hiding from the world. WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO ME? The craziest part of it all is, the issues weren't mine. I had let others' problems and issues consume my time and energy so much that I began to suffocate. When I went to see the doctor on a routine visit, she told me that I have high blood pressure. WHAT?!?! I've never had any problems like this and the stress from other people's stress was now making me sick. There was so much negativity around me, it had left me stagnant and constantly dragging my feet. I was paralyzed. I was constantly helping someone else. Being there for other people and not getting anything I needed to get done, done. Then, when it was ti...

I've never claimed to have all of the answers, just some of them. In my thirty-something plus years, I have accumulated enough scars and baggage to last the next ice age. But I'm moving on from all of it, letting it all go and beginning a new, more positive way of living and thinking. I always have advice for friends, "Just keep thinking positive." "Let it go." Some phrases I'm notorious for.  But something that happened this weekend that brought up some painful things that I thought I was over and by my reaction, I clearly wasn't.  I even demanded an apology from this person. In response, he said, "Why don't just let it go?" Hmm. I could have punched him in the face for that very statement. Too proud at the moment to admit it, I was ashamed. No doubt about it, he was wrong in the past and the transgressions he committed against me and my family had piled up and the consequences still affect my son and I till this very moment. But wh...

Last night, I had a dream. I was going down an escalator and when I got to the bottom, there was my dad, now deceased, looking vibrant and healthy. In true Buzz fashion, he asks me for a dollar. I smile and give it to him. He kisses me on the cheek, tells me he loves me and that he's proud of me. Then he says, "You don't belong here, go back up." I go up the escalator and that was it. The end. I've never read into dreams before but I was curious. So I Googled "Escalators up/down in dreams", "Deceased parents in dreams", "Handing over money in dreams".  To make a long story short, here's what I came up with: Down escalator - wallowing in emotions, Parent- seeking validation, money equals love and the up escalator - moving forward towards your goal. The answers made me think about my journey thus far. It's been an emotional rollercoaster. I've been under pressure to finish books. Promote the books. Stay creati...

I couldn’t sleep last night. All I could think about was if I had the chance to leave my son behind to “find myself”, could I? There has been a huge debate following a popular blog called, “Why I left my children.” Let me first say, I was divided on the blog. A part of me said, “When you become a mother, all of your wants go out the window. Being a mother is supposed to be one of the most rewarding and unselfish jobs in the world. It’s no longer about you. It’s all about what your kids need.” But the other part of me understood that she needed to distance herself in order to be a better mom, if that makes sense. Women tend to be people pleasers and can be persuaded to do things, even when it’s against themselves, in her case to get pregnant and have kids. At least she knew, however late, the role she really wanted to play was from a distance to be a better mother than if she forced herself to stay. If you've seen the message boards of her blog, whew! The feedback was vi...

I am a mother of a six year-old boy and 10 year-old niece. Anyone raising kids as a single parent knows, you do what you can. Make cuts here, splurge there (splurges are almost always for the kids) but you do it. You do it all. There’s no choice. As they grow, you pass on the hallmark values. You tell your kids that nothing is impossible and that they could do anything that they put their little hearts and minds to. When it’s your turn to do your part in actually setting the example and you don’t even believe the hype. I personally have written over 10 books and I am absolutely proud of all that I’ve done. But what have I done? There’s nothing other than the books that sit on the shelf collecting dust, that could show for what I’ve done. Money? We are still making cuts and calculating splurges. What is the message that I’m sending these kids? “Mommy doesn’t know her value.” “Mommy is a little lost.” “Mommy doesn’t believe in herself.” All I keep thinking is, “DAMN, Mommy is a hyp...