I forgot that I was the one in control of my own destiny.
What was I doing?
One thing I’ve realized is that happiness is simple. Happiness is not contingent on anything but yourself. Every time I think about how hard things get for me, I’m the one that’s ultimately in charge of my own future. We people make it hard and complicate things. We let our minds and lives become consumed with things that just take our focus away from what we are really supposed to be doing.
If you know me personally, you’d know that I’ve had plenty going on in my life within these past couple of months. Monumental things. Well, at least I made them monumental.
First, my apartment flooded and although I didn’t lose much, it was enough to consume my time and energy. I had work deadlines that I pushed aside because although I was a hostage in my own home (my front door was busted open and held closed by a flimsy lock for 6 weeks.) I couldn’t concentrate.
Instead, I complained about what was going on, the kids and I had cabin fever and I was the most unproductive I had been EVER.
After my door was fixed, I went on my second vacation of the summer, I had fun and got a makeover, it also took something (that I don’t want to talk about) to happen that put things in perspective for me. I let someone make me feel small and because I’m so hard on myself anyway, it hit me like a ton of bricks. But this time, I didn’t let it derail me or make me feel sorry for myself. It propelled me to change.
I know that whatever is happening in my life, it could always be worse. But it can also always be better. The opportunities will come along and with that, the time will come to make good things happen for my son and I. I will not let someone else define or determine my life, my happiness or my future.
Then Hurricane Irene came and I had to evacuate my home. So I packed my son and my office and left my comfort/uncomfort zone to go to another comfort/uncomfort zone. From that experience I learned that I can do what I do from anywhere and I can leave home and no matter where my son and I end up is up to me. I learned that nothing that may seem monumental at the time, can stop me from what I want to do with my life.
The lessons that I’ve learned this summer is that I was supposed to prepare for everything that came my way. I passed and I failed. So much of it was out of my hands and out of my control that I let go of the steering wheel and almost crashed and burned. But I’ve opened my eyes and see that I’ve walked away virtually unscathed. There’s much more work to do.
The biggest lesson is: “The rest is up to me. I have to be the one to prepare, so I don’t miss out on the life I’m supposed to have when the time comes. And the time to shine is fast approaching. And I’m doing it now.