I couldn’t sleep last night. All I could think about was if I had the chance to leave my son behind to “find myself”, could I? There has been a huge debate following a popular blog called, “Why I left my children.”
Let me first say, I was divided on the blog. A part of me said, “When you become a mother, all of your wants go out the window. Being a mother is supposed to be one of the most rewarding and unselfish jobs in the world. It’s no longer about you. It’s all about what your kids need.”
But the other part of me understood that she needed to distance herself in order to be a better mom, if that makes sense. Women tend to be people pleasers and can be persuaded to do things, even when it’s against themselves, in her case to get pregnant and have kids. At least she knew, however late, the role she really wanted to play was from a distance to be a better mother than if she forced herself to stay.
If you've seen the message boards of her blog, whew! The feedback was vicious. When it comes down to it, who of us can really judge her? In extreme cases, there are women abusing and killing the kids they never wanted. I think it’s good that she left the kids with the responsible parent as she went off to "find herself". Not to say that she would be an abuser or killer, but if you know you can't raise your kids the way they deserve or know you can't be the Mom you "should" be, isn't that unselfish? So you see, I'm divided on this one. Not every woman that has kids, is meant to be a Mom.
Like the woman in the blog, against my better judgment I let my family and partner at the time pressure me to get pregnant and have a baby. In my heart, I knew I wasn't ready, I had a singing career and had a whole other life. So when my son got here, I was sad, overwhelmed and although it’s hard to say now, regretful. Then I went through postpartum depression. I was a mess. When I found out that he had a birth defect, I was crushed. Did I do all I could? How could I feel this way? I felt so guilty.
Bottom line was, my baby needed me. There were good days, bad days and worse days. But I had my pen and paper. Realizing that I couldn’t go one like this, it was when my son had his surgery that made me decide my career path. The decision I made wasn’t about me. I decided to quit the job I had to concentrate on him. I began to freelance write and edit. It was hard at first, but when I found my groove, I was quite successful at it.
And although his father was present, I couldn't think of leaving him with his dad and disappear. I worked through my issues and moved on. Yes, I stopped a huge part of my life, but I gained a whole new life. It took awhile to get back to who I was before and realized that that life wasn't for me anymore. So a lot of people don't get how as a mom, she gave up.
The worst thing a mother can feel is regret in having her children. Imagine the energy in the air of that house of a mother that doesn't want to be there or even feels like she missed out on something. That's not good for the kids. Some moms may not understand that, but I do.
I am now a single mother. As such, I now realize the importance of taking time out for myself. It’s never an easy decision to leave your kids for a time, even for overnight visits. But sometimes it has to be done to give myself a chance to regroup, so I can be a better mom. In a similar way, I guess that’s what she did. But no matter how hard it gets for me sometimes, I couldn’t imagine leaving my son behind. But that’s me.
The woman in the blog knew that her kids would be taken care of. She and her children were fortunate that she had a supportive husband and father for her children. Or she’d have to suck it up like the rest of us.
People see it as she saw an opportunity and she wanted to pursue it. She left her kids because she didn’t want to regret not doing what she wanted with her life. I can see why people called her selfish. I know with certainty that I’m a good mom. But if I wouldn’t take care of my son anymore, I love him enough to leave him with someone that would love him and cherish him the way that I do. As I live, breathe and am able to function, I wouldn’t leave my son. I couldn’t.
The truth is, she left her kids behind because she could.