the house of miss birdie

I've never claimed to have all of the answers, just some of them. In my thirty-something plus years, I have accumulated enough scars and baggage to last the next ice age. But I'm moving on from all of it, letting it all go and beginning a new, more positive way of living and thinking. I always have advice for friends, "Just keep thinking positive." "Let it go." Some phrases I'm notorious for.  But something that happened this weekend that brought up some painful things that I thought I was over and by my reaction, I clearly wasn't.  I even demanded an apology from this person. In response, he said, "Why don't just let it go?" Hmm. I could have punched him in the face for that very statement. Too proud at the moment to admit it, I was ashamed. No doubt about it, he was wrong in the past and the transgressions he committed against me and my family had piled up and the consequences still affect my son and I till this very moment. But wh...

Last night, I had a dream. I was going down an escalator and when I got to the bottom, there was my dad, now deceased, looking vibrant and healthy. In true Buzz fashion, he asks me for a dollar. I smile and give it to him. He kisses me on the cheek, tells me he loves me and that he's proud of me. Then he says, "You don't belong here, go back up." I go up the escalator and that was it. The end. I've never read into dreams before but I was curious. So I Googled "Escalators up/down in dreams", "Deceased parents in dreams", "Handing over money in dreams".  To make a long story short, here's what I came up with: Down escalator - wallowing in emotions, Parent- seeking validation, money equals love and the up escalator - moving forward towards your goal. The answers made me think about my journey thus far. It's been an emotional rollercoaster. I've been under pressure to finish books. Promote the books. Stay creati...

I couldn’t sleep last night. All I could think about was if I had the chance to leave my son behind to “find myself”, could I? There has been a huge debate following a popular blog called, “Why I left my children.” Let me first say, I was divided on the blog. A part of me said, “When you become a mother, all of your wants go out the window. Being a mother is supposed to be one of the most rewarding and unselfish jobs in the world. It’s no longer about you. It’s all about what your kids need.” But the other part of me understood that she needed to distance herself in order to be a better mom, if that makes sense. Women tend to be people pleasers and can be persuaded to do things, even when it’s against themselves, in her case to get pregnant and have kids. At least she knew, however late, the role she really wanted to play was from a distance to be a better mother than if she forced herself to stay. If you've seen the message boards of her blog, whew! The feedback was vi...